Counselling

The church today greatly needs skilled counsellors who are filled with the Spirit’s wisdom, discernment and power. Sadly,people affected by drug dependence, sexual abuse and other serious struggles are common, and they often require ongoing specialised care. Many problems once kept hidden are now more openly recognised and discussed, which is helpful. The media has undoubtedly played a part in encouraging this openness.
Pastors of growing churches must avoid a heavy counselling load especially if they are not trained councillors, as this becomes emotionally draining and will in time dampen their vision and the direction of the church. However, they must not completely dissociate themselves from connecting with people, otherwise they will lose touch and their preaching will become irrelevant. The answer therefore in overcoming this problem is to get the right people train up and release into this ministry.

Issues of confidentiality

Confidentiality when handling people’s problems must be treated seriously. In some countries, pastors may have a degreeof legal protection regarding confidentiality, but ethical responsibilities still require careful thought. For example, if someone discloses involvement in child abuse, should it be reported? In some places, reporting may be mandatory.
When sin is involved, confession often marks the first step towards growth. The person confessing may not expect complete confidentiality and may anticipate that further action will follow. This should be explored carefully. Here is a brief overview:

Useful hints in counselling

Do’s

1. Live in a way that builds up trust.
2. Listen to the feelings involved and look at the situation through the other person’s eyes as far as possible.
3. Look for ways in which you can reduce any threat you may impose because of your physical position, status and experience, etc.
4. Be in an attitude of constant prayer and dependence upon God for wisdom and help.
5. Be prepared to be vulnerable and accept the hurts and setbacks that come.
6. Clearly define the problem, decide together on appropriate goals and develop a plan which will lead to action, evaluation and further steps.
7. Stress positive goals and reactions, rather than negative and troublesome ones.
8. Accept each person as of worth and accept the fact that their feelings are important.
9. Help a person to work out the problem themselves rather than do it for them. That way they will own the problem and take responsibility for it.
10. Have respect for a person, rather than as someone on whom to try counselling techniques out on.
11. Remember that there are two sides to most stories.
12. Try to be non-judgemental in your attitudes.

Dont’s

1. Be trapped into simply an advice-giving role (either telling the other person what to do, or in telling all about your own experience).
2. Make an ego trip out of your own experience.
3. Argue or pressurise.
4. Confuse helping with false praise and empty assurance.
5. Preach, judge, condemn, deny, belittle, interrogate, threaten or lecture, etc.
6. Be afraid to ask for help if you are out of your depth.
7. Hang on to a person to make yourself feel significant.
8. Agree with everything they say and do not be a doormat. Do not also moralise, show shock, ridicule or fill the person with shame.
9. Get sidetracked from the central issue.
10. Be against Christian counselling skills that have been developed and tried over the years.
11. Be fooled by quick answers. Many situations take time.
12. Do not have in-depth counselling with a person of the opposite sex, unless someone else is with, or near you.

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